


A sigh is just a sigh

by annebenedicte



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annebenedicte/pseuds/annebenedicte
Summary: What happened with Leah, and the consequences





	1. Chapter 1

« Of course I won’t do that, Dr Faulkner, surely you can see what you’re asking is ludicrous! I’ll be referring this to Mr. Hanssen , and he can decide whether or not you can continue your training here. That is, if Mary McCarthy or her family don’t sue you. Do you realise she could have died! Do you?”

Leah Faulkner lowered her head: “Well …I admit I have been a little careless, but…”

“Careless? Careless?? Careless is when you put an instrument back on a tray at the wrong place or you put a surgical glove on the wrong side. Not when you don’t check the sealing of the hole in your patient’s chest when you remove a tube! If Nurse Fletcher hadn’t noticed, the air bubbles would have cut off blood supply in each of her organs! Mary Mc Carthy would have died! You’re lucky we managed to save her lungs as it is!”

Serena was incandescent! She had had some doubts about Leah’s abilities at first, but the young doctor had finally won her over – and now that? Leah suddenly looked up straight into Serena’s eyes: “I don’t think you’ll tell Mr. Hanssen anything…”

“I’m sorry? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to forget that.” Leah strolled over to the picture on Serena’s desk – the selfie of her and Bernie they’d taken the last time Bernie was in Holby – and fingered it. “Or I might just contact your girlfriend and tell her about that kiss …you know …the one you finally did seem to enjoy …”

Neither of them had noticed that the door of the office had opened and closed during their exchange – Serena had her head in her hands now. That kiss – that stupid, stupid kiss. Somehow, after a few drinks at Albie’s with Fletch, Ric and a few others, she had found herself alone with Leah. Again and against her better judgement. They had celebrated the end of a rough day with a little more alcohol than necessary, and she’d felt pleasantly tipsy at first. And then, all the exhaustion had come crashing, and her loneliness had suddenly made her feel terrible. Even Jason had someone, now, and she was alone. Phone calls and emails were nice,  but they weren’t enough. She had suddenly decided to go home, to feel lonely all by herself in her lonely big house. So she’d got up to go, and Leah had got up too. When Leah had leant in for a kiss …well, it had been all too much, and suddenly their lips had merged, hungrily, desperately for a moment. Just until she had wrenched herself away and almost run to her car.  And now …now, she couldn’t denied that she’d enjoyed the kiss – she had, but the ensuing guilt was almost too much to bear. And if Bernie were to hear about it …She’d regretted it ever since.

“You little …You wouldn’t!”

“Wouldn’t I just…but it’s your choice, Ms Campbell.”

Leah put the picture back on the desk and walked out.  Serena took a few minutes to compose herself and followed her into the ward, where Fletch looked at her curiously: “Anything wrong? I’d have thought you’d be over the moon!”

Serena looked at him uncomprehendingly: “Not with you, Fletch.”

“Well – you’re looking …”

Just then, Jason appeared with a patient in a wheelchair: “What Fletch is trying to say, Auntie Serena, is that you’re frowning and looking as if you are in a bad mood. Which is not logical. You should be smiling and looking happy.”

“And why should I look happy?”

“Because Auntie Bernie is here, of course. She said to tell you that she had seen that you were busy in the office so she was going to wait for you at in the Peace Garden.”

Jason frowned: “And she also said that if you couldn’t be bothered, you could tell me and I could tell her and she would go away.”

Serena’s face crumpled and became ashen.

“Auntie Serena? Are you all right?”

“I need to sit down.”

“So are you going to the garden?”

Serena managed to utter a few words, although they seemed to come from far away: “Yes – I’ll go. Thank you, Jason.”

She remained seated a few minutes, until her head had stopped spinning and then she hauled herself on her feet, feeling like her whole body had become a solid block of concrete.


	2. Chapter 2

It couldn’t be true – it just couldn’t be true. And yet …it sort of weirdly made sense. Because of course Serena wouldn’t have waited. For God’s sake – she hadn’t waited the last time, when she’d been in Ukraine. But with a woman – and a rather attractive younger woman, apparently …it hurt. Well – not really – it tore her to shreds, it ripped her insides out, it made her want to throw up and scream and throw things. But she did none of these. Instead, she went on auto -pilot to the Peace Garden. She even managed a few civil words to Jason en route. She should have found somewhere else …The memories of Serena crying on her shoulder for Arthur came crashing back… And now she’d lost her. Because of course it was true – Serena hadn’t denied it, hadn’t told the young doctor she was a liar.

Why was she even waiting? She threw away the fag she’d been puffing at, buried her head in her hands and swallowed hard several times, hoping vainly to keep the tears at bay. When she heard hurried footsteps she reached for her handkerchief and dabbed ineffectively at her eyes. Serena stood there before her, breathless. Bernie looked at her icily but said nothing.

“Bernie…”

“What are you doing here?”

“Bernie, please – I’m so, so sorry – It was all a mistake. I was drunk, and …”

“Oh …that’s all it was, then – a drunken mistake…”

Serena looked at her partner hopefully: “Yes – please forgive me…”

“Bullshit! You can’t blame that on alcohol. And …” Bernie turned her head away and murmured: “I can’t forgive you – I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Serena knelt down on the ground at Bernie’s feet and seized her partner’s hands: “I swear that kiss didn’t mean anything- I love you, darling – just you.”

Bernie shrugged her off: “I can’t – I just can’t. Sorry.” She got up and strode away, leaving Serena staring at her with tears in her eyes.

When she left Holby, she didn’t even bother to call a cab – she just walked and walked, until she arrived in the town centre. And then …Then she thought  of going back to her hotel, grabbing her suitcase, and leaving for the airport. She had come back with hopes and dreams, and she was leaving empty. Even worse than empty – hollow, with a Serena-shaped hole in her heart. She did go back to her hotel eventually, and just took the time to switch her phone off before crawling into bed with the worst migraine she’d had in a long time. She couldn’t have gone anywhere – her vision had blurred and her skull felt battered.

The next day, she finally opened her computer – not her email – and made the necessary ticket changes. Then she dressed, noting the huge dark circles under her eyes – but that didn’t matter anymore  - no one to look at her now. She repacked her bathroom kit and dragged her suitcase down to the reception. She checked out and turned away to go, but her eyes caught a person standing there, blocking her way.

“Serena! What are you doing here?”

“You stayed here last time – and there’s no one more predictable than you, Major.”

Bernie’s face darkened: “I don’t have anything more to say to you.”

“But I have  - Bernie, please don’t do this to me – to us. You can’t possibly believe Dr Faulkner means anything to me. Please – we’ve been through so much together. You can’t throw it all away for one drunken, stupid mistake.”

“Your drunken, stupid mistake…”

Serena stared straight into Bernie’s eyes: “yes – my mistake. Have you never met a mistake?”

Bernie lowered her eyes: “That’s not fair, Serena.” She couldn’t help thinking of all the mistakes she’d made. Not divorcing Marcus earlier. Not telling Alex she would be with her, she would give her everything. Leaving for Ukraine …Of course she’d made mistakes – so many mistakes, believing she was following the rules, and just not trusting herself. Was she making one now? How could she go on her moral high horse? She was far from perfect herself … Serena gently reached for her hands and she let her. Serena lifted her hands to her lips and kissed each finger, caressing her palm. Bernie almost moaned – she had missed that tenderness so much… She let Serena reach into her hair, stroke her face with her thumb, press her lips to her brow …She felt paralysed with fear – fear that in a second she could lose everything . Everyone deserved a second chance – didn’t they? As Serena’s lips reached hers, they locked eyes and Bernie tried to read into Serena’s …The brown pools were anguished and as fearful as hers. Theirs bodies melted into each other, their lips fused. . It wasn’t wise, it wasn’t foolish – it was just love.

 

_You must remember this_

_A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh._

_The fundamental things apply_

_As time goes by._

 


End file.
